Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
