I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
