I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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