Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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