I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
