i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
