So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize