your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
