remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
