I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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