I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
