Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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