But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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