he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
