hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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