Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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