I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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