How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
