Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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