we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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