so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
