We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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