i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
