3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i now understand why vodka
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
