I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
