i wish starbucks made bloody marys
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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