You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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