i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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