Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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