Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
