Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
