Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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