dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am spending my child support on dildos
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
