Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
