I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
