saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
