im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
