Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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