well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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