so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have aggressive nipples.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
