I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
