we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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