I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
