No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
