You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
