Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
