i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
