its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize