You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
