I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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