ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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