life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
