In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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