she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
