erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
