Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
