I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
