like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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