Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
