If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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