1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
