idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
