Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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