How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
