where am i from again
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
