Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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