So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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