you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
