Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
