listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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