I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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