Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
